Quoigender: Meaning, Identity, and Gender Uncertainty

They may think:

• “I do not know what gender is supposed to feel like.”
• “I cannot tell whether I have a gender.”
• “Existing gender labels do not apply to me.”
• “My relationship with gender is too complicated to name.”
• “I am tired of searching for the perfect label.”
• “Gender does not feel like a useful concept for describing me.”

Quoigender can be a lasting identity. It does not always mean that the person is temporarily confused or will eventually choose another label.

• quoi, the French word for “what”;
• gender, referring to gender identity or the personal experience of gender.

The term was introduced in 2014 as a gender-related counterpart to words such as quoiromantic and quoisexual. (Nonbinary Wiki)

Quoigender usually functions as an adjective or identity label:

• Alex identifies as quoigender.
• They are a quoigender person.
• Her gender identity is quoigender.
• He uses quoigender because other labels feel inapplicable.

When referring to a group, quoigender people is generally more natural than quoigenders.

Common expressions include:

• identify as quoigender;
• come out as quoigender;
• describe one’s gender as quoigender;
• question whether gender applies;
• find gender personally inaccessible;
• stop searching for a more exact label.

Gender Feels Incomprehensible

A person may understand dictionary definitions of gender but remain unable to recognize what gender feels like internally.

They may see other people describe a strong sense of manhood, womanhood, or nonbinary gender without finding a similar feeling in themselves.

Existing Labels Feel Inapplicable

Someone may know many gender terms but feel that none of them accurately describes their experience.

The problem may not be a lack of vocabulary. The entire process of categorizing their gender may feel unsuitable.

Gender Feels Too Complicated to Define

A person may experience something connected to gender but find it too complex, contradictory, or unstable to explain through a particular label.

Quoigender allows them to acknowledge that complexity without forcing it into a clearer category.

Questioning Has Become the Identity

Some people question their gender for so long that questioning no longer feels like a temporary stage. The unresolved or indefinable relationship with gender becomes an important part of how they identify.

Frustration or Disengagement

A person may feel exhausted by repeated attempts to analyze their gender. They may use quoigender to communicate that they are finished searching or do not consider gender classification personally useful.

Quoigender may include questioning, but it can also be a settled identity. A quoigender person may not be waiting to discover a clearer answer.

A simplified distinction is:

• Gender questioning: “I am still exploring what my gender is.”
• Quoigender: “My inability or unwillingness to define gender is itself part of my identity.”

Someone may use both terms, move from one to the other, or prefer only one.

Quoigender describes difficulty understanding, identifying, or applying gender to oneself.

An agender person may confidently know that they have no gender. A quoigender person may be unsure whether “having no gender” accurately describes them because the idea of gender itself feels inaccessible.

The identities can overlap. A person may identify as both agender and quoigender.

Quoigender more strongly emphasizes confusion, inaccessibility, complexity, or frustration with gender.

For example:

• A cassgender person may understand their gender but consider it unimportant.
• A quoigender person may be unable to understand what their gender is or whether the concept applies.

Some people may relate to both descriptions.

A graygender person may recognize some sense of gender but experience it less strongly than other people appear to.

A quoigender person may be unable to interpret gender clearly enough to decide whether that connection exists. Graygender emphasizes a weak connection, while quoigender emphasizes uncertainty or difficulty applying the concept.

Quoigender can also involve rejection or frustration, but it has a broader range of meanings. It may describe confusion, uncertainty, complexity, exhaustion, or personal inaccessibility rather than complete rejection.

A person should be described with the term they choose rather than being assigned a supposedly more precise label.

Gender expression is how someone presents through clothing, hairstyle, voice, behavior, posture, or appearance.

A quoigender person may present as:

• masculine;
• feminine;
• androgynous;
• gender-neutral;
• mixed;
• different at different times;
• conventional for their assigned gender.

Their appearance does not need to communicate uncertainty. Someone may have a consistent feminine or masculine presentation while finding gender identity personally incomprehensible.

Gender expression should not be used to decide whether someone is truly quoigender.

• they/them;
• she/her;
• he/him;
• neopronouns;
• multiple pronoun sets;
• no pronouns;
• pronouns that change over time.

Some may prefer neutral names or titles, while others use traditionally masculine or feminine language.

Pronouns do not always represent a precise gender. A quoigender person may use a particular pronoun because it is familiar, comfortable, practical, or aesthetically pleasing.

• accepting quoigender as a valid self-description;
• using the person’s stated name and pronouns;
• not pressuring them to choose a clearer label;
• avoiding claims that they are merely confused;
• not treating the identity as a puzzle to solve;
• allowing their terminology to change;
• avoiding the informal alias WTFgender unless the person uses it for themselves.

A person does not owe others a complete explanation of why gender feels inaccessible.

Quoigender is always temporary questioning.
No. It may be a stable and lasting identity.

Quoigender and agender are identical.
No. Agender usually describes an absence of gender, while quoigender emphasizes difficulty understanding or applying gender.

Every quoigender person rejects gender completely.
No. Some reject the concept, but others feel uncertain, complicated, or exhausted by labeling.

Quoigender people must look androgynous.
No. Appearance does not determine identity.

Quoigender determines sexual orientation.
No. Gender identity and attraction are separate.

1. Alex identifies as quoigender because the concept of personal gender feels inaccessible.
2. A quoigender person may be uncertain whether they experience gender at all.
3. Can someone identify as both agender and quoigender?
4. Her quoigender identity is not simply a temporary stage of questioning.
5. The glossary distinguishes quoigender from cassgender and graygender.
6. Being quoigender does not require a neutral or androgynous appearance.
7. Sam uses quoigender because searching for a more precise label became exhausting.
8. Understanding quoigender helped the family stop pressuring the person to define their identity more narrowly.

However, quoigender describes a relationship with gender, not a pattern of sexual or romantic attraction. A quoigender person may be asexual, bisexual, pansexual, queer, or use any other orientation label.

Related terms such as quoisexual and quoiromantic describe difficulty understanding or applying sexual or romantic attraction categories. A person may use these terms together with quoigender, but none automatically implies the others.