Definition & Pronunciation
The term is used especially in aromantic, asexual, and broader LGBTQIA+ communities to describe meaningful ways of feeling drawn toward another person. It is community-developed vocabulary rather than a formal medical or scientific classification. AUREA defines tertiary attraction as including attractions that cannot be strictly categorized as romantic or sexual.
The word tertiary does not mean that these attractions are weaker, less important, or always experienced after romantic and sexual attraction. It simply provides a broad category for attractions outside those two commonly discussed forms.
Sexopedia Quick Reference
Tertiary Attraction
Note: These are explanatory alternatives. Tertiary attraction is a broader community term covering several distinct forms of attraction outside strictly romantic or sexual categories.
Easy Explanation
For example, a person may strongly admire someone’s appearance without wanting to date or have sex with them. They may deeply want friendship, emotional closeness, physicalaffection, or a committed nonromantic partnership.
Possible experiences include:
- wanting to become someone’s close friend;
- admiring someone’s beauty or personal style;
- wanting hugs, cuddling, or other nonsexual touch;
- feeling drawn to someone’s personality or ideas;
- wanting a bond that feels deeper than ordinary friendship but not romantic;
- desiring a queerplatonic or otherwise nontraditional partnership.
Not everyone separates attraction into these categories. The language is optional and is mainly useful for people who find that it describes their experiences clearly.
Grammatical Formation and Usage
- tertiary, ordinarily meaning third in order or belonging to a third category;
- attraction, meaning a feeling of interest, connection, or being drawn toward someone or something.
In this identity-related use, tertiary groups attractions outside romantic and sexual attraction. It should not be interpreted as meaning “third-best” or emotionally unimportant.
Tertiary attraction is usually uncountable:
- Tertiary attraction can be emotionally significant.
- She uses tertiary attraction to describe her nonromantic connections.
The plural may be used when discussing different categories:
- The presentation described several tertiary attractions.
- People may experience different types of tertiary attraction.
Common usage patterns include:
- experience tertiary attraction;
- describe a feeling as tertiary attraction;
- distinguish tertiary attraction from romantic attraction;
- identify a type of tertiary attraction;
- feel strong tertiary attraction toward someone.
Common Forms of Tertiary Attraction
Aesthetic Attraction
Aesthetic attraction is a strong appreciation of someone’s appearance, beauty, clothing, style, or physical presentation.
A person may enjoy looking at someone or find them visually striking without wanting romance, sex, touch, or a relationship.
Platonic Attraction
Platonic attraction is a desire for friendship or another close nonromantic relationship with a particular person. A strong platonic attraction is sometimes informally called a squish.
Someone may feel excited to know a person, spend time with them, or become emotionally close without experiencing a romantic crush.
Sensual Attraction
Sensual attraction is the desire for nonsexual physical closeness, such as hugging, cuddling, holding hands, resting against someone, or sharing affectionate touch.
Sensual attraction does not automatically involve sexual desire. The meaning of particular types of touch may differ among individuals and cultures.
Alterous Attraction
Alterous attraction describes a desire for emotional closeness that does not feel clearly platonic or romantic. It may exist between those categories or outside both of them.
A person experiencing alterous attraction may want an important emotional bond but feel that words such as friendship or romance do not accurately describe it.
Emotional Attraction
Emotional attraction is feeling drawn to someone’s personality, emotional presence, openness, or way of understanding others.
It may involve wanting trust, meaningful conversation, vulnerability, or emotional support without necessarily wanting romance or sex.
Intellectual Attraction
Intellectual attraction is interest in someone’s thoughts, intelligence, creativity, knowledge, or way of discussing ideas.
A person may feel strongly motivated to speak, learn, debate, or collaborate with someone because of their mind.
Queerplatonic Attraction
Queerplatonic attraction may describe a desire to form a deeply committed nonromantic relationship that goes beyond conventional expectations of friendship.
A queerplatonic relationship may involve shared housing, long-term commitment, affection, finances, caregiving, or other forms of partnership. Each relationship defines its own structure.
Tertiary Attraction and the Split Attraction Model
This framework can be helpful for people whose experiences do not fit simple categories. For example, someone may be aromantic and asexual while experiencing powerful platonic, aesthetic, or alterous attraction.
The model is not necessary for everyone. Some people experience attraction as one combined feeling or prefer not to divide it into separate types.
Attraction, Desire, and Behavior
For example:
- aesthetic attraction does not require approaching the person;
- sensual attraction does not create permission for touch;
- platonic attraction does not guarantee friendship;
- alterous attraction does not require a formal partnership;
- emotional attraction does not always lead to emotional intimacy.
A person may also choose a relationship without first experiencing a clearly identifiable type of attraction. Attraction, relationship desire, and behavior are connected for some people but remain separate concepts.
Tertiary Attraction and Aroace Identities
An oriented aroace person is aromantic and asexual and experiences another form of attraction that is significant enough to include in their orientation. An angled aroace person is on both the aromantic and asexual spectrums and similarly considers another attraction important to their identity.
For example, someone might describe themselves as bi-alterous aroace or panplatonic aroace if those labels help explain whom their tertiary attraction is directed toward.
Tertiary Attraction vs. Romantic Attraction
The distinction can be personal. Activities such as holding hands, living together, exchanging gifts, or sharing emotional intimacy may feel romantic to one person and platonic, sensual, or queerplatonic to another.
The type of activity alone does not always identify the type of attraction. The person’s own understanding of the feeling and relationship matters.
Tertiary Attraction vs. Sexual Attraction
A person may admire someone’s appearance, want physical affection, or desire emotional closeness without wanting sexual contact. Similarly, a person may experience sexual attraction without feeling platonic, emotional, or romantic attraction.
These attractions can occur together, separately, or not at all.
Common Misunderstandings
No. It is an umbrella category, not a required sequence.
Tertiary attraction is weaker than romantic or sexual attraction.
No. Platonic, alterous, sensual, or emotional attraction may be extremely important.
Only aroace people experience tertiary attraction.
No. Anyone may experience these attractions, although aroace communities often use the terminology more visibly.
Admiring someone’s appearance always means sexual attraction.
No. Aesthetic appreciation may exist without sexual desire.
Wanting to hug someone proves romantic interest.
No. The desire may be sensual, platonic, familial, romantic, or difficult to categorize.
Everyone must label each form of attraction separately.
No. These labels are optional tools, not rules for interpreting human connection.
Sample Sentences
- Tertiary attraction helped Maya describe feelings that were neither romantic nor sexual.
- Aesthetic appreciation may be a form of tertiary attraction.
- Can tertiary attraction lead to a committed relationship?
- His tertiary attraction was mainly platonic and emotional.
- The glossary explains that tertiary attraction is not necessarily less important than romantic attraction.
- Some aroace people use tertiary attraction to describe significant interpersonal bonds.
- Tertiary attraction may include sensual, alterous, intellectual, or queerplatonic attraction.
- Understanding tertiary attraction helped them distinguish admiration, friendship, affection, romance, and sexual desire.
Connection to Sexuality
The concept shows that the absence of romantic or sexual attraction does not mean the absence of meaningful connection. A person may experience strong aesthetic, platonic, sensual, emotional, intellectual, alterous, or queerplatonic attraction.
Understanding tertiary attraction broadens the language of sexuality and relationships. It allows people to describe closeness more precisely without assuming that every important bond must become romantic or sexual.
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